Therapy for High Achievers With Anxiety
The Pressure to be a High Achiever in Orange County
In Irvine and the Orange County area it’s almost a given that most people are high achievers. Living in Orange County offers incredible opportunities, but it also creates an environment where achievement, productivity, and success are highly valued. Over time, many people begin to internalize these expectations and place increasing pressure on themselves to keep up.
What I️ love about Irvine specifically is that it’s imbedded in the culture to fulfill your greatest potential as a person, but that inadvertently adds a lot of pressure. Many folks local to Orange County have grown up with this constant pressure to succeed, and then when success actually happens, we don’t know how to slow down and enjoy it. Many high achievers unknowingly tie their worth to their productivity. They set incredibly high expectations for themselves and rarely feel like what they've accomplished is enough. Over time, this perfectionistic mindset fuels anxiety, burnout, and chronic stress.
What My Anxious High Achieving Clients Report
I️ work with many clients that have everything on paper to make a good life, but their life still doesn’t feel good on the inside. They feel defeated and depressed that their success hasn’t actually brought them the fulfillment they desire and hoped for. Or they are stuck in an anxiety loop thinking about what’s next, never stopping to acknowledge all they have done, and let it sink in at an emotional level to be proud of their accomplishments. Their nervous systems are always active, planning and anticipating what’s next. But deep down they know life is passing them by, and they have an inclination that maybe life isn’t just about achieving, but enjoying each thing they accomplish.
When You No Longer Know How to Rest
Many of my clients don’t know how to rest, have hobbies or enjoy leisure. Their brain has put them in “go mode” and rest feels uncomfortable, scary and almost dangerous. If they do try to engage in rest, hobbies or leisure because they know they should it can quickly feel like another to-do list item or box to check. This feels more defeating because then rest and fun moments can also induce stress. Or when they are finally having fun, their mind is thinking about tomorrow, planning work or home-related things for the following week and they are missing life in the present moment. When they work, they want to be relaxing and when they relax they can’t stop thinking about work. This vicious cycle is what I️ help clients work through and change.
How I️ Help High-Achieving Clients with Anxiety
I️ help clients identify the cycle they are stuck in regarding work, stress, anxiety and/or depression. We first identify the cycle and then using modern interventions and tools learn how to interrupt and change the cycle. I️ use a lot of cognitive behavioral therapy which works on changing the way you think, behave and feel. We first go to work on changing your thoughts, then your behavior/environment, and when we change those two things, usually your feelings are different as a result. Life feels more manageable both logistically and also in the way you think about stress, problems, and your goals. You learn how to still have lofty goals, but speak more kindly to yourself about them. You learn how to have realistic expectations for yourself and stop pushing past your body’s alarm bells telling you to slow down. You learn how to enjoy rest, leisure, fun and relationships again without your brain being somewhere else or anticipating future problems. You learn to feel like you again and a version of yourself that’s free to keep working hard, but enjoying the process along the way, and deeply soaking in the results to savor them. I️ help clients learn to regulate their nervous system and get out of “go mode” to down-regulate and be able to think clearly, slow themselves down, enjoy the present while also working towards future goals.