Perfectionism Therapy
When It's Never Enough
Do you feel like no matter what you do, it’s never enough? You may be outwardly praised, promoted or recognized for how incredible you are, but your life has started to feel inwardly hollow and disappointing. You may even hit the goals you originally set for yourself, but then you keep moving the target, adding things to the list, telling yourself, “When I️ do this thing, then I️’ll be happy”. But then you do that thing, and another, and still feel stuck on this hamster wheel. Over time, many perfectionists begin tying their worth to what they accomplish instead of who they are. Productivity becomes proof that they're enough. Rest begins to feel earned instead of necessary, and slowing down can create guilt instead of peace.
What Perfectionism Looks and Feels Like
Being a perfectionist doesn’t always mean having to be “perfect”. It’s not just people who are type-A, love a color-coded calendar, a clean house, and who earned straight A’s in school. It often shows itself as chronic striving to be the best version of yourself, but to an extreme that leaves you dissatisfied with your accomplishments. The perfectionists I️ work with are strivers- they want to build an amazing life- physique, career, relationships, spirituality, wellness, etc, but they struggle to know their limits. They will work on big work projects, fitness goals, or relationship goals, but are always onto the next thing, and often report feeling burned out. They wonder when they will finally “arrive” to enjoy the life they are building, but always are adding more and more to their plate.
Fear of Wasting Your Potential
Many of my clients tell me they are afraid of wasting their potential. They all have so many gifts, talents and so much potential. While that desire can motivate incredible accomplishments, it can also create relentless pressure to always be doing more. It’s almost as if each accomplishment becomes their new baseline. They get a promotion, then are after the next promotion. They buy a house and get married, and then want a different house. They hit a big fitness goal and then keep adding subsequent fitness goals. They book that dream vacation and then are onto planning the next one.
Excessive Self Improvement
If you are always focused on how to improve things- yourself, your relationships, your job, etc, life can feel exhausting. You also miss out on enjoying things as they are and being grateful for all that is going well. You improve one part of your life and then find yourself adding more to this unending list of things you want to change. There is a balance to strike between gratitude for the life we already have, and the desire to keep growing and changing. For strivers, that’s hard to navigate. That’s what I️ help clients with- parsing out what really matters and what’s fluff or a “later” goal.
Learning How to Enjoy Life & Accomplishments
Having an insatiable appetite for life can be a good and beautiful thing if channeled correctly, and I️ help clients learn what to prioritize. Instead of trying to do everything well all the time, we pick and choose a few goals at a time to tackle, and then intentionally savor those accomplishments. I️ teach clients to learn to sit with feelings of discontentment, and help them learn how this is a natural part of life. No amount of doing will change negative feelings- we must learn to be with those feelings while taking manageable steps to cope. Many of my clients use “doing” to avoid “being” and then feel that life has been a blur or passed them by without them realizing it until later on. In therapy we work on showing up to life with intentional presence to the things you are doing and the people in your life. Instead of quantity, we examine the quality and focus on sustainable change that doesn’t feel overwhelming or like another to-do list item.
